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Dear Abby Pt.4

2 Months Later-July 1995 8 months pregnant(Part 4)

I was big as a house. I went to visit the doctor one morning when I woke up feeling uneasy and didn’t want to go to work.

I was throwing up the whole day and just couldn’t make myself get out of bed. I then learned at the doctor, that I was pregnant. Pregnant!

What was I going to do with a baby? I didn’t know the first thing to caring for another human being except for myself. I was pregnant by, Charlie. The man that I thought I could trust and who raped me. I was having a baby that was conceived when I was being raped. I cry every night thinking about the life I was going to have and the life I was going to give. It was too much for me to bare. The thoughts of getting an abortion crossed my mind a million times but I was never able to bring myself to do so.

I’ve even went as far as going to the clinic, doing the paper work and waiting for the six hours it took to get me back there. But I’d leave at the last minute. I’ve killed a lot of men during this life time of mine but couldn’t bring myself to kill something that was growing inside of me. One thing I did come to terms with though-and that was to never lie to my child about how she was conceived if she ever asked about her father. I’ll tell my child that he’s dead because if I find him, that’s just what he’ll be. My thoughts were broken when my phone ringed.

“Hello”, I said into the receiver. No one said anything. My voice became more stern...

“Hel-lo!”. Whoever it was hung up. I’ve been getting a lot of those calls lately. Since I was in the hospital the phone would ring but no one would say anything. I slammed the phone on it’s cradle then headed off to the kitchen to fix myself a sandwich. Right after I was done making my sandwich, as if on queue, my phone rung again. I answered the phone that was in the kitchen.
“Look! If your going to call my house and not say nothing, don’t call at all!”.
“This is my first time calling. Did I catch you at a bad time?”, The voice said into the receiver. I felt a little embarrassed and uneasy for answering my phone the way I did. I didn’t recognize the voice either and it made me feel uncomfortable.

“Who is this”, I said with much attitude.
“This is William. Are you O.K?”.
I then had a soft smile on my face.

William. It was something about him that made me feel warm inside. Protected. He was a really nice gentleman.
“Hi, William. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize your voice”.
“I think I’m coming down with a cold. How are you feeling? Is the baby O.K?”.
William has been my support system for the pass three months. He knows nothing about my history(that took a turn for the worst) and how or who I was pregnant by. He’s just been a really nice friend to me.
“Yes, William, the baby is fine. He or she has been kicking like crazy all morning. I think he wants to come out of there”.
“Or she..”, he would always say. It was well known that I wanted a boy to be my first born. But whatever I have, I’d love you anyway. William continued,
“So why all the attitude this morning? You sounded as if you were going to jump through the phone on me”.
“Telemarketers calling and hanging up”, I said, “But I’m fine now…. since you called”.
We talked a little while longer and made plans to meet up tonight to go see a movie.

While sitting in the movie theater, enjoying my time with, William I felt as if nothing could harm me. I felt safe. I felt as if everything was one big dream and nothing bad ever happened. He made me feel the way a woman is suppose to feel. We went to see some romantic novel and in the movie, the man was crazy in love with this woman and did almost anything for her. When they had broken up in the movie and the lady moved on with her life to a different state, the man went looking for her and expressed his love to her. That’s the type of relationship I would like to have. Now, I know that everyone is human and that everyone may shed a tear from time to time but it was hard for me to shed a tear. I shared a few tears while watching the movie though. It had to be my hormones from this pregnancy.

After leaving the theater, William took me out to eat at this romantic restaurant. When we walked inside, the place was in dim light. I liked the vibe of it. There were also a candle sitting on each table in the restaurant. It screamed, “couples only”. I liked it. We ate, talked and laughed. We both learned new things about each other. William had a very interesting child hood.

“So how long did it take for you to get back in contact with your father?”.

“…Took me three years, because, after he got released from jail, he left town-said he couldn’t bare being in the same state as his brother because of what he did to him”.

I thought that a father just leaving his child behind without a good bye or a phone number was ridiculous! But who was I to judge? I haven’t seen my father since I was 10. Something inside me was touched by how sincere, William was toward his father and how forgiving he was of him. Things like that make me feel more attached to him. Even though, I wouldn’t waist my time looking for my father but I commend him for his effort. William uncle planted drugs on his dad in which he did ten years in prison for.

To Be Continued...


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